Sunday, March 24, 2013

A Writer's Dilemma---What Do You Think?

I have a vanilla friend who has self-pubbed a couple books. She has no idea about my Celeste Jones world and books and I plan to keep it that way. 

Recently she asked me to read one of her books before she published it. Now, what I should have realized is that at this point in the process, she really just wanted me to proofread, but in addition to that, I also made a few comments about the content. 

To be honest, I hated the book, but I kept that to myself. You know how subtle I can be. 

She thanked me for my help and within a few hours had sent it off to someone else for the next step. This tells me that she probably used my proofreading/copy edit corrections but ignored by content suggestions. 

I've really struggled with this for a few days and that's why I'm raising it here and seeking thoughts/advice from all of you, especially other writers. 

First, I'm annoyed that she doesn't take my suggestions. I know it's her story and it's ultimately her choice about how it's written (especially since she's self-publishing), but when someone blows off all of my suggestions it makes me wonder why I bother. Frankly, it's insulting. 
           So, am I at fault for assuming she wanted my comments on the content? 
            Should I have clarified with her what she wanted me to do? 

Second, this was a long book and I spent a significant amount of time on it, though I only went through it once because I've been down this route with her before and knew that most of my concerns other than comma placement or spelling would be ignored. 
                Should I have known that I was wasting my time by doing more than proofreading? 


Third, should I have told her how I really felt about the book and why? Am I doing her a disservice by not saying, in a gentle way, "this book needs some work on these areas...."? Is it a violation of some sort of writer's code to let someone publish a book when you really think there are major problems? If she gets a horrible review and feels bad, will I feel guilty or (more likely) vindicated? 

Is the ultimate problem here the fact that we are friends and met outside of writing and that just adds a layer of complication to the relationship that isn't present when I read manuscripts for people that I've met within the context of being writers?

As you can see, I'm really spinning in circles about this, but I'd love to hear what you guys think. I need help!

17 comments:

  1. I 'edit' a friend's work for content - where did I get lost, this need more explanation, and so on. I'd never notice a missed comma or a mis-spelling. I've asked several people to look over the beginning of my Cassie book. I need to know what they really think of it. When I get their response back my feelings are usually hurt for about 30 seconds and then I try to listen to what they are really saying. I'll often make their changes and if I don't I've spent some time really thinking about why I think my way is better.

    If you do another book for her, and I have a feeling you probably won't, I would ask her if she just wants punctuation she wants or more.

    Good luck,
    PK

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    1. Thanks PK! You make some good points. Some people are better at feeback on the story itself and others might be better at punctuation and spelling.

      I think your point about the 30 seconds of hurt feelings but then you consider their point is very important. I get those same stings when I get something back and it's not glowing w/praise, but I try to at least consider what the reader has said. Often they are correct but I don't want to agree (at least initially) because I don't want to go back and do the work. Usually I sigh and go back and try to make the corrections, though.

      Thanks for your ideas PK!

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  2. I think people really want an honest opinion. I welcome other opinions. I may not agree and if I don't I will try to explain to the "reader" why I think it's a certain way. If they don't see it my way then I will rework.

    I think it would be up to the author to explain what they want you to do whether it be punctuation or content. I would also ask if they want an overall honest opinion.

    After that it's up to them whether they take your suggestions.

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    1. Thanks Sunnygirl!

      I suppose it all comes down to clear communication about what each person expects. Maybe if I'd clarified that before I started I wouldn't be so frustrated now.

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  3. Sometimes it is hard to hear criticisms, however I want to hear constructive comments. I don't want a bashing...I want to learn and become better. I want to hear about the story, and the mechanics.
    I am not sure your friend wants to hear what you think!

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    1. Good points, Minelle. I don't really think she believes that my comments can make her story better. So...why is she asking me?

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  4. I certainly wouldn't tell her what you really think, I.e. that it's terrible. Just make some suggestions in a gentle way and if she chooses to ignore them, it's really her business and her problem.

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    1. Thanks, Claire. I agree, I'd never want to blast her story and be harsh about it. It is her decision and she'll have to live with it, and maybe I'm wrong and others will love the story. I guess we'll find out soon.

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    2. It's always tough to figure out what to say when you don't like someone's work or think it needs a lot of work. I try to gently say what I have problems with--but it can get frustrating if someone really pushes for feedback, but then won't really consider it... I think clarifying what she's looking for at the beginning is a good idea. I also don't think you have to read everything, when it's such a big time commitment.

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    3. Thanks Emma.

      I guess since she didn't actually ask me if I liked it, she didn't want to know. :)

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  5. I've been down this road in critique groups, where writers resisted changing anything other than a comma, yet insisted they wanted their work to be critiqued. In reality, some people aren't looking for a critique, but a positive review. They want positive strokes, they want to be told how wonderful you think their work is.

    Other times, although a writer might genuinely want a critique, but their own ideas have become so cemented in their minds that they cannot see their story clearly and they reject differing opinions.

    I've learned to ask what kind of feedback the writer wants. Is she looking for proofreading or content issues? Ask if she has any problem areas with the story.

    If someone continues to ask for feedback, but does not take any of my suggestions, I would stop doing it. It's work. And I don't have the time for work that does not pay off.

    Ultimately it's the author's choice and judgment. I've gotten critiques where I've taken the advice and where I've rejected it. One thing you learn in a critique group is that two people can feel very strongly about a piece of writing -- one strongly positive and one strongly negative.

    It's not your job to save your friend from her mistakes. Most likely she'll get her critique when the reviews come in.

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    1. Thanks Cara.

      As many have said elsewhere, a person's writing is like their child so if you are asked to critique someone else's work, bear in mind that it's like them asking you what you think of their kid.

      On the other hand, believing that your child is perfect all the time is pretty poor parenting.

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  6. It sounds to me like she just wanted a proofreader and already had her mind set on the content and was ready to move forward with publication. I wouldn't tell her how you really felt about the book. That would probably result in hurt feelings and might even threaten your friendship. I've been in similiar situations before and I hate it! For this reason, I have critiqued very few books by friends. And each time I did, I felt like I couldn't be entirely honest. I would tell her 'no, I'm too busy' next time she asks, because it's taking a lot of your time and must be very frustrating that she ignores all your advice. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks Sue! You're right, I am concerned about damaging our friendship. Hopefully it will be a few months before she asks again, but if she does, I think I'll just do a quick proofread and leave it at that.

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  7. If someone brushes me off when I have taken the time and effort to critique, I don't critique again. Critiquing is a professional skill for which we have given time and money to develop. Why waste it on people who don't appreciate it?

    Certainly people can be too harsh in their critique, dead wrong, or unable to see what the story is meant to accomplish. Critiquing your stories, for example, as being anti-feminist because they involve a man spanking a woman would completely miss what you are trying to do.

    Being "too busy" may be your best response. :)

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    1. Thanks Ana!

      I think the other thing to consider is that a critiquing relationship is a tricky match and finding someone whose judgment you respect and who "gets" your work is more complicated than just "Hey, I know you can read so how about giving this a shot?"

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  8. When people ask me what kind of feedback I want, the truth is I want anything/everything they're willing to give me, but I don't want to ask for the moon. I guess this makes sense why they're asking that question...

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I love getting feedback. Thank you for taking the time to comment!