Bride Two Soon blurb:
What happens when two life long best friends Mollie, and Beth Anne find themselves married to the same old fashioned man?
Can they remain friends? Will jealousy get the best of them? Will their husband be able to fix the problem with a good old fashioned spanking, or two?
Bride Two Soon is about forming a polygynist triad in a
religiously "gated community" – not literally gated, but effectively.
It has lots of spankings of both "wives," and plenty of tension and
conflict as the three try to put their lives in order together. Since polygyny
is acceptable in their community, it's expected for them to work it
out…somehow.
I like what this book represents: a
different, wholesome way of life, where multiple “wives” are accepted and the
outside, average world isn’t a party to their personal relationships. I could
really get on my soapbox here and write a laundry list of why polygyny ought to
be acceptable, even in these modern feminist times, but I won’t. And Bride Two Soon stays clear of
proselytizing as well. In Jamison’s world the tale is all that matters, and if
the reader accepts that this is a story about another lifestyle, they’ll be
spellbound.
The story is romantic
and loving; there is no explicit sex. My feeling is that Rayanna was avoiding
such scenes, and avoiding straying into erotic menage. Her story was crisp and
shiny and didn't need sex to make it whole.
1.
When you
picked up Bride Two Soon, did you
expect it to have sexual menage? If so, what made you expect that?
2.
When you
think about a polgynist triad, do you think about the legal aspects?
3.
Considering
polygamy in general, do you feel that some sort of sex among multiple partners
is likely to happen? (I don't mean flitting from flower to flower, but rather
having all the flowers at the same time.)
4.
Jealousy
is a main theme in the book. Do you feel that jealousy is inevitable among
polygamist partners?
5.
Could you
ever see yourself in a polygamist partnership? Why or why not?
6.
When you
finished reading Bride Two Soon, did
you find yourself questioning how children can become socialized, stable
citizens, despite having two (or more) mothers?
I highly recommend
this book, and hope that you'll take the time to read it, if you haven't
already. Partnerships like those portrayed need some time in the sun, too.
I really enjoyed this book. The relationship dynamics of polgamy/polygyny fascinates me. I watch Sister Wives and My Five Wives on TV. Bride Too Soon was an auto-buy for me:
ReplyDelete1. When you picked up Bride Two Soon, did you expect it to have sexual menage? If so, what made you expect that? No, I didn't necessarily expect that. From what I've learned from the shows I've watched, polygamy isn't a polyamorous relationship. It is one man with two (or three, or four) separate and distant relationships. It's like serial marriage--only it's happening concurrently. However, if I'd written this book, I probably would have sexed it up.
2. When you think about a polgynist triad, do you think about the legal aspects? I have, actually. Legally, a man can only be married to one woman at a time. So the other marriages are not legally valid, although they are committed relationships. I think more of the financial aspects of trying to afford all the kids that result from those unions.
3. Considering polygamy in general, do you feel that some sort of sex among multiple partners is likely to happen? (I don't mean flitting from flower to flower, but rather having all the flowers at the same time.) Generally no. I think most polygamists are polygamists for religious reasons.
4. Jealousy is a main theme in the book. Do you feel that jealousy is inevitable among polygamist partners? Oh God yes. And it's a big emotional burden. As I said, polygamy is generally practiced for religious reasons, but the wives can't help but feel jealous that the husband is sleeping with another woman--and then they feel guilty for having those very normal feelings. And they ARE losing--the husband's time is divided. With one wife, it might not be so bad. But have 3 or 4 or 5? Your husband would be more like drop-in visitor you had sex with once or twice a week. They are like singles mothers with a boyfriend.
5. Could you ever see yourself in a polygamist partnership? Why or why not? No. I don't share.
6. When you finished reading Bride Two Soon, did you find yourself questioning how children can become socialized, stable citizens, despite having two (or more) mothers? No. I actually think the "extended family" structure is probably very supportive for children--however, their one-on-one time with their father would be severely limited. I think it would be like being a child of a divorce and getting to spend time with dad only on weekends. So maybe that contradicts my previous statement.
I thought Rayanna did a great job of accurately portraying polygyny while avoiding the religious aspects. In fiction, polygyny is sexy and hot, but in real life, marriage complex enough without addition the emotional/financial/legal burdens of polygamy. It's a difficult way to live, I think.
Thanks for commenting, Cara. Polygyny (polyamory, polygamy, etc.) is definitely not for everyone. The vast majority of us are socialized to think of one man paired with one woman. Even if you grow up in a household where that's not the case, if you watch TV you're going to see that it's not the same for most other people.
DeleteI have lived in a polygynous triad for a while. My husband decided it was "too much like work." :)
Was jealousy ever an issue in your relationship? Was the third partner considered a wife?
DeleteThank You Patricia for leading this discussion today. These are great questions.
DeleteCara -- The third partner was a "wife to be." My husband put an end to the relationship after she'd moved in with us, but before we could make a ceremonial commitment. I still miss her. She was a lovely woman. I'm not a jealous type person. I've always been bisexual, so I can appreciate all the aspects of a poly relationship, and feel like I'm not being left out.
DeleteThanks for some great questions Trish and for an interesting book, Rayanna.
ReplyDelete1. No, I didn't expect a menage. I've watched Sister Wives (though I hope they do not represent the way all polygamous families are) and they seem actually rather prudish. Or maybe they just don't talk about the big elephant in the room---the fact that they are sharing one man.
2. Yes, I do. The wives that don''t have a legal marriage are, as Cara said, single moms. In addition, they have none of the rights that a married woman would have in a divorce. I cringed when one of the Sister Wives on TV cashed in her retiremend for the benefit of the whole family.
3. No, like I said, I think they are pretty prudish and don't want to share, though the husband may have the final word in that. And I might be naive.
4. I think jealous is a huge issue. How do you sleep at night knowing your husband is down the hall sleeping with another woman? Add to that the guilt of growing up being told that a good wife accepted this as normal---so when you have a normal reaction you're also filled w/guilt b/c you've been told it's wrong.
5. No. Though I could see a group of single moms living together to pool their resources, but not w/a man in the mix.
6. I didn't think about that. I agree w/Cara that the extended family and many different moms could actually be good for kids. Even in Bride Two Soon the two wives chose which role (stay home or work) that was more comfortable for them.
I enjoyed this book and the aspects of the friendship. Made me wonder what I'd do in the same situation. In theory, it's the best of both worlds because you get your best friend and your husband as part of your family, but the sharing aspects would be rough.
Since my only other polygamy "experience" was with Sister Wives, I liked seeing how the husband struggled with caring for his wives and making the family situation good for all. I've sure never seen that on Sister Wives. It gave me a new appreciation for how polygamy could be.
Thank you so much for allowing me to host your book club today. I feel strongly about Bride Two Soon and want to share the discovery of Rayanna Jamison's world with everyone.
DeleteI like your answers, Celeste. I have never seen "Sister Wives," but it sounds interesting. I'm quite certain it's not shown on TV here.
Thanks Trish. This is an interesting topic.
DeleteI haven't watched Sister Wives for a year or so and when I did watch it was mostly because it was such a train wreck, but it did have some interesting situations. If you're interested, you might be able to find it on Amazon Prime or Netflix.
The season is on Amazon, and the wives wrote a book: http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Sister-Wives-Unconventional-Marriage-ebook/dp/B005C776IK/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1403900092&sr=8-10&keywords=sister+wives
DeleteThanks, Celeste and Cara! I'll give them a look-see.
DeleteGreat questions, Trish, and welcome back! The premise of Rayanna's book really intrigued me, but it is not a life I would feel comfortable living. Like Cara, I don't share, and I wouldn't want a husband who enjoyed sharing, either. But I was an only child, so I never learned to share well with others. As for jealousy, from what I've read I think it pertains more to the individual's perception of their standing in the relationship. Not everyone harbors jealous and possessive feelings. I probably would, but I'm not sure it's inevitable for everyone. I don't watch Sister Wives, so I haven't had much exposure to polygamous or polyamorous relationships except through fiction. As for children, I'd imagine there would be a shared responsibility for their care and upbringing. Problems could arise if there were disagreements on how he children should be raised, though I'd hope the mother's opinions would be given more weight.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kathryn. It's good to be back among friends.
DeleteThanks Patricia and Celeste for hosting this! Sorry it took me so long to make it over here- It's been a crazy busy day! Am I supposed to answer these questions as well? ;)
ReplyDeleteSure, if you'd like to. Glad you could stop by. We'd love to hear your thoughts.
DeleteGlad you could be here, Rayanna. It wouldn't be the same without you. If you're inclined to answer the questions, please do. Your opinions would be quite interesting.
DeleteGood luck with your crazy day!
great hosting today, ladies!
ReplyDeleteI would most definitely not be able to do it.
LOL, you should see my kids trying to get a bite of my food when I'm hungry. I'm holding that plate as far away as possible, while glaring, and muttering "My precious. My precious." (and we aren't even talking about chocolate yet)
:)
As far as extra husbands or wives, I would probably fare the same in that way. I've never been very good at sharing something I like.
:)
I think you're normal, Katherine. Poly is not for everyone, and I've seen it end in serious recriminations and regret.
DeleteOkay, finally getting to answer all these great questions! Again, thank you ladies so much for today! I've enjoyed reading everyone's comments even when my brain has felt too fried to think of a good response.
ReplyDelete1) Menage? Oh goodness no! I cannot even fathom! I'm still trying to get the guts to write a sex scenes in my next project. I don't really think any religious polygamists take part in any sort of menage. My goal as a writer is to keep it mostly clean Domestic Discipline spanking fiction. For now at least (WEG)
2. I used to, but unless asked questions like this, I no longer do. As I have stated before, it is not illegal the way it is being practiced today, and is considered a wholly separate matter from bigamy, which is illegal. Bigamy offends me still, because it has an entirely different connotation and usually refers to someone having two separate usually private marriages,
3) I really don't feel that this is the norm in polygamous relationships.Especially the ones practicing due to religious beliefs.
4) Yes, I feel that jealousy is a normal human emotion that is unavoidable in a poly relationship. That being said, I don't think it has to be the overpowering emotion, meaning that I believe sister wives can have relationships built on friendship, and a mutual respect for each other, being able to appreciate what each person can bring to the home.
5) No, it's not for me, but I have a new found understanding and tolerance for it that I didn't have previously. And understand, my tolerance only extends to the act of polygamy itself, not to the religion of some who practice it. Meaning there is a VERY dark side. There is a sect that is very much a cult borne on violence and mind control and brainwashing, who commit many crimes in the name of God. However, those things, those crimes are not mutually exclusive to polygamy itself. Polygamy is just the act of having multiple marriage partners.
6) Absolutely not! This question actually surprised me. I view children born in safe, consensual, loving polygamous families no different than children born to loving homosexual parents, or adopted by them for that matter. Family is family, and I think if the relationship is healthy and loving and models that to the children, they have added benefits that children in monogamous families don't have. There will be so many different views and talents to offer, and children will have the added benefit of learning tolerance and acceptance at a young age
Thanks for adding your views, Rayanna. I gathered a lot of your opinions and ideas from your book, but your answers filled in the gaps.
DeleteI'm late but I'm here! Ok, here we go - good questions by the way Patricia:
ReplyDelete1. If by menage you mean a threesome, no, I didn't because I knew of the marriage/beliefs, but I did expect it to be erotic - only because for some reason, I think all books on BB are erotic but that's not true and it's totally ok.
2. Nope on the legal aspects. I think that's silly and backwards (even if it is reality). Live and let live - who cares if no one is hurt and everyone chooses, right?
3. I never thought about it but I'd say it would be important to really know what you want before doing that. Sex can change a relationship, a friendship and often not in a good way. If I put myself in this situation, I would say it would be important for me to keep that boundary.
4. YES!! I couldn't do it, for sure.
5. This goes with the above, no because I think jealousy could turn me into someone I'm not and I don't want to be and I couldn't take a chance that (as in this book in particular) the friendship could potentially be lost. I think I'd just be afraid to lose sight of what matters by getting caught up in day to day things.
6. I do think about that - not only with this book but with the TV programs as well. I hate the idea of having to hide and I hate the idea of shame - any kind of shame- for children, It builds us and (I'm not making myself upset so hold please). OK, sorry, I think to be made to feel different or judged is not ok, especially for children and yes, it would be hard I think and I wish that were different but it's again, the time we live in.
I enjoyed this book and poor Rayanna - I sent her a FB message every time I watched a TLC show on polygamy (we're behind the US in shows so there's a ton on right now over here). It's interesting to me and some part of me looks at these men and thinks 'what is it about you that you can get all these women to marry you?' I must know!! Thanks for this and sorry to be late!!
I thought you message was cute! I meant to ask you on the name of the documentary!
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