Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Spanking Blogger's Secret Life

Super Hereos have them. And so do most spanking bloggers. Sure, the answer could be capes or brightly colored boots, but what I'm talking about is an alter ego. A secret life.

As I am spending more time blogging, writing and connecting with others in the spanko world (and having a great time doing it) it's becoming a bit more tricky to keep the two worlds separate.

I have a vanilla friend who wants to publish a book. I've got quite a bit of knowledge about that, but I can't share it all without raising suspicions, so I share some info and tell her I read it "on some blog".

I am super duper excited about finally having my two new books out, but when people ask "what's new?" I just smile and change the subject.

One of the tricky things, and I'd love to hear from others out there who have some of the same experience, is accounting for my time. I'll spend hours tinkering with a story, laboring over the words, editing and then cowering in self-doubt and when someone asks how I spent my day, I  have to come up with some lame story about watching TV or doing the laundry.

Recently Spanky had a post about his love of redheads. Shortly after that I met a young woman with beautiful auburn hair and green eyes and I kept thinking "who was talking about redheads lately?" then I remembered Spanky's post. I didn't mention it to her. Sorry Spanky.

Batman had Alfred, the trusted butler who knew his secret and helped him keep it. How about you? Who knows about your secret life?

Have you had any close calls where someone almost "lifted your mask" (this is figurative, not kinky)?

Any pointers for keeping things separate?


  1. yeah. my Master. he knows about my secret life. and he keeps me in check. and reminds me to shut up about it.

    LOL. and my best friend knows that I'm sub. and a spanko. but he's got his own secrets so we're quite even. ONE friend. if you have ONE friend you can tell, the whole thing will be a LOT easier to keep under wraps.

    1. I think that's a good point about having at least one person you can tell. And, shouldn't we all have one friend who will keep our secrets?

  2. Hubby knows, however I have one close person who suspects that there is more than meets the eye with me. Which would be quite the shocker for her!

    1. Sometimes when I'm doing ordinary things, like standing in line at the grocery store, I'll think "I wonder what these people would think if they knew?" and then I'll look around and think "I wonder how many of these people might be hiding a similar secret?" Sure makes waiting in line more interesting!

  3. At first I was really reluctant to tell people I wrote erotic romance and spanking stories. I even dropped out of my writing critique group, because even though the members knew I wrote it, I couldn't possibly read it aloud to them. I didn't tell my neighbors until my husband and I moved 2,000 miles away.

    When you maintain a secret life, you guard against censure, but you also guard against support and in writing, book sales. And you'd be surprised who your supporters are. My best friend (who died in April) was the first person I told. She said that what I wrote might not be her cup of tea, but I was.

    A couple in their 80s who my husband and I met on a cruise have read my books. So has another elderly woman who was in my critique group.

    I live smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt but if anybody asks what I do, I tell them, "I write erotic romance. Spanking stories."

    Of course if one has a sensitive job...it's another matter. I have nothing to lose by telling people -- other than dinner invitations.

    1. Cara---Thanks for a thoughtful and thought provoking response. I think your point about being guarded and then cutting yourself off from support (and sales) is a good one.

      Sorry about the loss of your friend. Support like that is hard to find.

  4. I live the secret life too. I fill many exciting days with nonsense filler comments to pass the time. I have found one friend to share with and it does help. But, I hate having to live two lives. I feel like a fraud sometimes. But, nobody would understand and yes with sensitive jobs you have to be careful.

    1. I wonder if we might be surprised by who would be supportive if we told them. But, in some cases, the risk may be too great.

      As a writer, I also like the anonymity. It gives me a sense of freedom that I don't think I'd have if I thought my friends and family might be reading my books.

      Thanks for the comment Pooky.

  5. I've had this problem and I'm nearly over it. I like what I do, I'm proud of my writing and I'm getting to the point where I don't care who knows it. I've always told people that I'm spending my time writing. If they ask I tell them romantic, adult fiction. Funny how having them thinking I'm writing smut is supposed to be more acceptable than anything about spanking.

    I've shared my stories with my sister, several cousins and most of my close friends. They have been very supportive. I haven't shared exactly what I write with Nick's family (they are a little more reserved) but they know I'm writing.

    For me it's had a lot to do with age. I'm 55, and I care very little whether people approve of me or not (it's been a slow process for me.) My kids are mostly grown now. Mollie says she wants to read Cassie. So far I haven't provided an opportunity. Someday. I'm pretty sure my son could care less.

    You're a great writer. You're writing for a spanko audience mostly and we think you're great. There is no rush but I hope you can soon tell all your friends you're writing fiction and that you're really enjoying it and popular with your readers. It you think they can be trusted with the content, send them a story. Other wise laugh and tell them you'er writing porn. They'll think you're kidding anyway. Sorry for the book here.


    1. Thanks PK!

      It's funny. Just this week, with the release of my new books and the nice comments I've been getting about my writing, I'm feeling more comfortable with all of it. Whether I'll ever completely go public or not, who knows, but I'd like to keep the secret because it's my choice and not because I feel like I have to in order to fit in or avoid censure.

      It's a process, but I'm getting there.

      And you're right. If I told people I was writing porn, they'd be curious but not horrified.

      Thanks for your kind words. I wasn't looking for praise, but I'll always take it. :)

  6. I have told several friends. I'm not the best secret keeper, actually. I have a feeling I will eventually be "Out" with it, although I may not reveal my pen name if I don't want them to know me THAT well...

    1. Renee--thanks for stopping by. I agree that having friends read sex scenes that I've written is a little awkward.

  7. I have only just had my second book published so I'm fairly new at this. I have though been writing spanking fanfiction for years,which I didn't share with any family and friends besides my husband.

    When I got my first book published I was really excited and that's when it all started to unravel as far as telling people goes.I told my eldest daughter who was very happy but thought my story was spoiled by all the 'spanking stuff' but she liked the rest of it. Can't please everyone lol.

    Then, we were at a family party and my sister and I were having a glass of wine...or two, when it just slipped out. She was very excited for me and vowed to buy the book as soon as the party was over etc.

    Anyway the shorter version is that I was pretty sure I said don't tell anyone but I could have been wrong. My sister told everyone! Including her grown up children. This left me in a place where I had to share with my children too, the grown up ones. Not ready for it to be 'news' in my eleven year old's classroom just yet.

    Bottom line, they now know who I really am and it's sort of freeing if that's a word. My husband isn't a sharer so he;s struggled with the secret being out but he's getting used to it slowly.

    1. Hi Constance. Thanks for joining the conversation. I bet it makes a big difference if the person blabbing about it is excited for you rather than running around calling your names.

      If you get invited to speak at the 11 year old's career day...that could be awkward. LOL


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