Happy Saturday everyone!
The following is from a Work In Progress tentatively titled “Becoming A Proper Lady: The Diary of Miss Sarah McLean”. It is written in first person, diary format, which is a bit different from me.
I’d like your help.
There’s a particular line in this snippet that when I wrote it, I laughed out loud at my own cleverness. However, I’m not sure if it works or is just confusing. At the end of my excerpt, I’ll have a couple questions for you.
Set up: Previously Sarah spit on the shoe of Lord Amherst. Here they encounter each other again.
“Well, hello Yankee girl, have you spit on anyone yet?”
I turned, determined not to rise to the bait, but when I looked into the face of Lord Amherst and saw the smug expression there, my determination disappeared. “Not yet, but that could change at any moment.”
“I would expectorate no less from you, little Yankee girl,” he replied.
I opened my mouth to reply, then closed it. Had this man actually bested me in a war of words? Perhaps I had misheard him and he had simply said expect not expectorate, because who could really be that clever?
“Have I stunned you with my word play, Miss McLean?” he said, a satisfied smile on his lips, which I had noticed were quite luscious and surrounded even white teeth which I imagined nipping at various parts of my body.
Should I: A. Leave it as is.
B. Leave it as is, but take out the explanation in the following paragraph.
C. Take out 'expectorate' and quit trying to be so clever.
Thanks! I appreciate the input.
As always, be sure to visit all the other Saturday Spankers